NAMI delivers hope during National Suicide Prevention Month

Trigger warning: self-harm and suicide

The brisk temperature inside the main gym contrasted sharply with the warm support brought in by the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) crew on Sept. 17, 2024. 

Founded in the 1970s by parents whose children suffered from a lack of public support for mental illness, NAMI offers free, immediate help to anyone in the United States with a mental health crisis, no insurance required. As part of as part of a series of presentations surrounding mental health for Suicide Prevention Month, NAMI’s visit to CCWF was open to all residents. 

Two special NAMI guests shared their very personal experiences with suicide and attempted suicide, and three CCWF residents bravely offered views into their painful, life-and-death battles. CCWF resident Holly, a survivor of two attempts, worked up the courage to recite her original, rhythmic poem about overcoming her overwhelming despair. The theme of the day was community and hope.

As NAMI Facilitator Manny Pisano described, to isolate during a moment of high distress is to give power to a big lie: the notion that no-one cares. Originally from Oahu, Hawaii, Pisano attempted suicide on New Year’s Day in 2022 but miraculously, he survived “by the grace of God.” For some time he grappled with being unable to forgive himself for attempting, or for surviving. Pisano is now the Fresno Chair of Behavioral Health and Clinical Director of Behavioral Health curriculum at a small college. He is committed to teaching valuable coping skills and spreading rays of hope to fellow sufferers.

CCWF resident Anul Ram, a self-described “big supporter of NAMI,” was particularly touched by Pisano’s words. 

“He was very amazing; the way he shared his story was especially empowering. When we attempt (suicide), we are at our rock bottom, and we really need that help,” Ram said. “I felt that nobody cared enough for me to be alive. It was uplifting to see that I wasn’t alone.”

Gordie Ochinero-Bermudez has worked as a project coordinator with NAMI for four years. She actively deals with thoughts and feelings of unworthiness, but has found a larger purpose in “using the parts (she) was most ashamed of, which had the most power…to come out of darkness and be able to help others.” Ochinero-Bermudez teaches others how to generate their own power through sharing and community, and believes that as a mother of two boys, it’s her responsibility to break the cycle of suffering. Her therapist offered a quote that stuck with her: “Be you; there’s no one better.”

The deeply moving closing presentation was from one of CCWF’s own Ms. Smith (a.k.a. Smitty), who has worked here as a licensed vocational nurse for 16 years. Previously she had been a certified nursing assistant at Valley Children’s Hospital. As she shared her very personal story, there was not a dry eye in the house, and a quiet hum of empathy poured out from the residents. 

Smith became a young teenage mother (against her will) in a devoutly religious family where she was openly shamed for her circumstance. This led her straight to an abusive marriage, where she bore three more children. Devastatingly, Smith lost her 16-year-old daughter to suicide and then her 15-year-old son a year and a half later. Her son left a note saying that he wanted to join his beloved sister. At the time, Smith was working in unit 504, trying to be there for the residents of CCWF and for her two daughters at home. 

When a deacon at her church admonished her, “You lost two children to suicide? You couldn’t save the second? How do you feel about yourself as a mom?” the shame of her youth resurfaced and multiplied. Shortly before her 45th birthday she decided to end her intolerable, blinding pain, and planned a final birthday bash. But when she fell at the party, she heard the voices of her friends calling, “We love you…” With this feeling of support, she lifted herself enough to get to therapy. Smith now works as a therapist herself, helping others navigate despair and find their own gratitude.

One day while her hair was setting, her stylist offered a truism that had lasting impact on Smith:

“Gratitude and negativity cannot occupy the same space.” This thought reminds us to look away from hopelessness and focus on the many things for which we can be grateful.

In addition to the suicide hotline available in the free world (988), NAMI offers its direct California phone line to CCWF prisoners in need of immediate help. Residents can call 559-224-2469 from inside.