The beautiful pain
When tattoos stop serving you, removal is a great option
Many people get tattoos to define who they are. Tattooing is a form of expression through art, writing, symbols, and photographs. These images may mean the world to people, especially if someone has passed away. Death and new life are celebrated through tattooed photographs. Or it represents the name of your true love. Ultimately, tattoos tell a story and become part of you.
But what happens to those tattoos that no longer define you? What if you were too young or naive to make sense of love or betrayal? What if a specific name now reminds you of your abuser or any unresolved trauma? What if they reflect a lifestyle you no longer live? What if you are no longer a gang member, but the tattoos make you a target for gang-related violence? Are you still willing to risk getting shot for no cause?
As a teen, I decided to get four gang tattoos. I adopted the lifestyle with honor and pride. I was willing to die and kill for my neighborhood at no cost. By age 18, I had committed a senseless and heinous act of murder. Shortly afterwards, I experienced betrayal from my gang. I was sentenced to 50 years to life for first-degree murder and a gun enhancement.
Now what? I have this permanent ink in my skin that reminds me of my past. Every time I look at my tattoos, I’m consumed with shame, guilt, and regret. I am reminded of the many lives I destroyed as a result of my choices. Today, I try to repair the harm I’ve caused by living in amends to my victim and his family. So, I decided to get rid of those tattoos. One has been removed completely, leaving three to go.
Tattoo removal has been available at Central California Women’s Facility (CCWF) since September 2023, according to California Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation Information Officer I Todd Javernick. It’s now offered in all 31 state prisons.
Incarcerated persons have the opportunity to seek the services at no charge. CDCR has proposed guidelines for eligibility. Tattoos must be “highly visible” on the face, hands, wrist, or neck. Individuals who are paroling within two years have priority, along with anyone who shows a dissociation from gang activities.
Here is how tattoo removal works: Before the procedure begins, a person is evaluated by a tattoo removal expert. They ask questions and take a photo of the tattoo for tracking purposes. Then comes the laser, which beams light directly into the skin. As the Cleveland Clinic describes, the lasers heat up the ink, which breaks down into particles in your skin. This makes it easier for your immune system to remove the elements safely from your body. Many advancements in technology allow for the deletion of tattoos with a reduced risk of scarring.
In my experience, this is a beautiful pain that’s worth every second. I take a deep breath when I enter the tattoo removal unit. I sit down in a high chair and place safety glasses over my eyes. Then, I squeeze a foam ball to help me endure the laser’s rays.
When the pain becomes too unbearable, I remind myself of all the pain I’ve caused my victim and his family. Making this critical connection allows me to endure the process. What was permanent once has now disappeared. This represents a new beginning for my life.
In addition to the emotional benefits, tattoo removal can support a successful transition into the workplace, since employers may see tattoos as a problem. Resident Perla Gonzalez also participated in the CCWF tattoo removal program. She decided to remove a visible tattoo located on her right wrist.
“I want to remove this name to have a better life,” Gonzalez said. “I want to obtain employment opportunities in a professional environment when I go home.”
She expressed how the tattoo removal process was more painful than getting the actual tattoo. However, it was worth it! The tattoo removal experience will benefit you upon release, especially if the tattoo is gang-related. Yes, tattoo removal can be painful, but getting shot is too! Save your life by letting go of the past.
To join, request an application for the Tattoo Removal Program from the Inmate Advisory Council and mail it to Health Care Access.
A mobile tattoo removal unit will perform these services outside of the medical clinic in building 805.
