Felon’s Alphabet: S is for self-control

When the topic of self-control is discussed, it is usually talked about in the context of either resisting temptation or staying calm. But self-control goes deeper than that. The development of self-control will put you on a trajectory towards freedom. Both in prison and in life outside these walls, self-control is an essential life skill. 

Webster’s Dictionary defines self-control as “having control of one’s emotions, desires, and actions.” 

In prison, self-control is the difference between progressing toward release, losing months of good time credits, staying on track or regressing, or being rehoused in the Restricted Housing Unit, AKA going to jail. 

At any given moment, one wrong decision could cost you months of freedom. I don’t believe people in the free world realize how much discipline it takes to maintain self-control in prison. They don’t understand what it is like to be surrounded by triggers, noise, disrespect, boredom, trauma, fear, ego, and still choose to keep yourself emotionally regulated. 

Contrary to what some incarcerated individuals believe, self-control in prison is not about shutting down your emotions, staying “out the way,” hiding in “your corner,” or the very common, “staying to myself.” Instead, it’s about teaching yourself how to manage your emotions, so they don’t manage you. 

Self-control starts with self-awareness. You need to know what sets you off. Everyone has triggers. Identify what they are. Is it noise, proximity, waiting, disrespect, being “talked to crazy,” or authority figures? Then figure out what coping methods alleviate these triggers. This is where relapse prevention plans come into play. Now, decide. Decide that your future matters more than a fleeting moment, even when every part of you is urging you to do something: swear, swing, retaliate, or prove something. 

Repeat after me: “I will not lose my date over petty B.S.” 

A lot of incarcerated individuals grew up in environments where self-control wasn’t taught, modeled, or rewarded. You learned never to back down because backing down meant you could get labeled a “sucka,” hurt, or even killed. 

Except now all the rules are different. Now, you are expected to give respect even when you don’t get it. Now, you must tolerate people testing you, walk away from folk who are “tryna bait you,” deescalate when you want to explode. Let’s stipulate for the record, self-control can be difficult for everyone; in prison, it can almost be impossible. I say almost, because, although hard as hell, it is possible. Self-control is one of the most difficult skill sets a person can develop on the inside. 

Discipline is the scaffold self-control is built upon. It means getting up and going to work even when you would rather sleep, working out even when you’re tired, doing your homework instead of playing with your tablet, and going to self-help groups when you would rather be binge-watching novellas. 

Self-control will teach you the value of pausing. That pause, the moment between impulse and action, that can be the difference between a clean Central File and a new charge, between peace and violence, between healing and repeating old patterns.